I’ve spent the last hour reading text messages from like 5 different people I’m so emotional please shoot me so I feel less pain
I really don’t want to shower but I really want to go to sleep
Frida Kahlo, Passionate Letters, Abscondita (2002)
Ernest Hemingway, Ernest Hemingway: A Literary Reference (via wordsnquotes) —
I really need to start going to bed earlier because nobody I talk to anymore is up at this time and it just feels lonely
1. wake up. do not look at your phone he didn’t text you. i know it’s hard pulling the warm sheets off of you because they remind you of the way his arms wrapped around you but think about the time he held you too tight and you were afraid and get out of bed.
2. take a shower. wash off the touch of his arms and replace it with healing water. try not to close your eyes, it’s easier to forget that way.
3. eat breakfast. he always viewed you as small and weak but you will be strong and you will march through the day without him. pack a snack.
3. walk to school. do not listen to the song he picked for you two. do not listen to the recording of his voice and do not think about his long eyelashes. listen to angry music he didn’t like or don’t listen to music at all and listen to the cars driving past you. think about the people driving those cars and do not think of him.
4. talk to people. do not bring him up. ignore the fire in your heart that burns every time you see a couple walking down the hallways holding hands. do not choke. do not make a scene. he wouldn’t have held your hand in public anyway.
5. stop it. reading all the messages he sent you light years ago won’t help you heal it’ll just make you wonder and wondering hurts. stop thinking about the night you talked to him until five in the morning and he told you he loved the scars that decorated your heart. forget about how he caused half of them and you kept loving him.
6. blink. breathe. look up at the sky. do not close your eyes.
7. you will eventually stop seeing him everywhere.
8. remember. remember and learn because his soft touches will never make up for what he did to you his quiet words are causing storms in your stomach his kisses are lies his promises are lightning and he electrocuted you.
9. never forget that the ashes that float around your mind and in front of your eyes were because of him.
10. stop trying to forgive him. it will come some day.
11. listen to music as you fall asleep. focus on the lyrics and not on the songs he sang you. think about the beautiful people you encountered during your day and don’t think about his beautiful arms. remember the A you got on a test and forget the slope of his nose and the curve of his lips.
fuck it, a letter to myself (b.b)